Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Amélie Margaret Roberts.

She finally arrived! A week later than expected but she's here now. My third little piece of perfect.

Born September 1st 2014, at 6:12pm weighing 8lbs and 13oz.

The Homebirth...

I started the weekend with a sweep, that was Saturday morning and by the Sunday evening I'd started having mild pains. We thought it had started so, excitedly we waited. We waited until at around 11pm they stopped...just stopped. I had a few twinges through the night, just enough to keep me up in a nervous excitement.

Monday came, another sweep that resulted in us knowing that not much had changed down there. It was dinner time and we were told that it probably wouldn't be today, that was disheartening. We thought we were so close, that those pains had to have done even a little something! As we got into the afternoon I started having moderate pains and tightenings again, after hearing the previous I think I subconsciously told myself they couldn't be as bad as I thought.

Mid afternoon and they were definitely getting stronger and closer together... I ran a bath. The water helped, it gave me something to concentrate on. The contractions had gotten to the point were they had started to take my breath away, we called my mum, not that I could talk much. She came around with my little sister, she was there to amuse the boys whilst it was all going on. I stayed in the bath, not sure how long I was in there for but we made the decision to phone the midwife...she was an hour away, she was on her way.

I got out of the water and changed into a loose nighty to be comfy. Sitting on my birthing ball the pains were getting stronger, I thought I might frighten the boys but they just carried on playing around the place whilst I faced each contraction head on. At this point I was worrying that I had called the midwife out for nothing, I didn't want her to have had a wasted journey.

She arrived, and with one hand on my bump as I had a contraction she told me what I wanted to hear, she was going to stay with me. After a quick internal I was pretty impressed with myself that I was 6cm dilated. She did the best thing she could have done for me at this point and ran out to her car and brought me the gas and air....lovely! After I was set up with the gas Dane helped her bring in all the other equipment and she called for a second midwife to make her way to us.

At this point I just remember a lot of pressure, I was told that that was my waters as they still hadn't ruptured. I was also told that once they went the baby would probably follow quickly! After a short trip to the loo that involved my husband, a gas canister and approximately three contractions, I was getting the urge to push. Absorbent pads were lay underneath me as I climbed onto my bed, I asked the midwife if I could push. By telling me to do what I felt gave me the control, I appreciated that more than anything. Being in my home with my things and my family, the midwife someone I knew and who knew me, I felt completely in control and sort of empowered.

The boys in their bedroom just next door had no idea that their little sister was almost here... One push sent my waters going with a massive gush, I caught the end of the contraction and pushed again, she was here! My second stage of labour (the pushing bit) was a whole two minutes. It was the most amazing feeling, she was placed on me and I fell in love. Dane cut the cord as the midwives cleaned around us.

Dane brought the boys in one at a time to meet their new baby sister, they fell in love too. Then they went for a bath and off to bed. Both mine and Dane's mums were at the birth and it was such an amazing experience. The second midwife left to file our paperwork at the hospital and my midwife stayed for a couple of hours just to observe that everything was ok. Amélie latched on almost straight away and took a really good feed, this upped my confidence in breastfeeding again. After helping me get washed and changed our mums left us too. This was another aspect of a home birth that I liked, I wasn't rushed, everything was at my pace, not before I was ready.

After it was done it felt amazing to get into my own bed, my beautiful sons asleep next door, with my husband and brand new baby girl. Everyone left us, and they left us in absolute bliss.



Wednesday, 27 August 2014


So my due date has now been and gone, needless to say I'm starting to get a little frustrated. More at the fact I'm starting to struggle doing "normal" things now. I feel unfair on the boys that they don't have all of me either. This is where I have been grateful for Dane.he has definitely picked up the slack... Playing entertaining and looking after the boys, as well as working a whole lot, to give me a break from time to time.

Although I know the end is in sight, she can only go so far overdue, I wish she was here. I can't wait to meet my baby girl... And neither can her big brothers or daddy (who is having to take his paternity leave from her due dat!) Hurry up little one, the world wants to say Hello!


Thursday, 7 August 2014


We went to see the giants in Liverpool. We didn't see much as the crowds were unreal but we were able to watch them be lifted onto the boats. I think the boys enjoyed the pic-nic I had packed more than the spectacle, Logan fell asleep and missed the whole thing! And I think Connor was, firstly overwhelmed by the number of people, and secondly bored of waiting.

After the giants had departed we decided that the longer we stayed in Liverpool the less busy the trains home would be. We spent the afternoon in the museum! Both of them, Connor especially loved it! Seeing and learning new things about all the stuff boys love. Dinosaurs, insects, fish and rockets, they had a blast! Seeing them there made me excited to take them again.




Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Potty Training.

I started to fear that Connor was getting a bit old to still be in nappies full time. Hitting two years and eight months old had come around that fast, combined with being pregnant and having Logan to look after too, it was just easier for me for him to be in nappies.

We had to take the leap and I was so ready for him fighting it and for the tears. He surprised me, undies went on one day and we haven't looked back, I think he was ready. It started as a bit of a novelty, going to the bathroom every half hour must have been exciting (me being pregnant played to our advantage here as I needed to go pretty much when he did). That soon wore off and quite often now he will just disappear off and I'll wonder where he has been, until I hear the toilet flush. That's right he stands at the toilet now too!

Number two's were a bit harder to crack but I think we are there. At first he would come and ask for a nappy when he needed to go, I didn't mind one nappy change in a day, and better him come and ask than just go! We tried sitting him down and waiting...and waiting but he just seemed scared of doing the whole poo thing without the safety net. I didn't want to send us backwards so I never forced him. Last week he came and told me that he needed a poo, I was all set to get a nappy out when he let me know that he wanted to go on his potty. He picked a book, took it to the bathroom and just did it! I was amazed, he was so grown up! I guess he just had to get used to the idea himself and when he was ready to do it he did. Of course a big fuss was made of him and he was very proud of himself. Now when he needs to go, he lets me know (I'm still needed for the cleaning up bit yet) grabs a book and does his thing. My baby is growing up, very quickly, into a fab little guy!


Monday, 7 July 2014

Home Birth.

I'm trying something different this time around, I'm going to, all being well, deliver the new addition at home.

I'm really excited about it, although I am a little nervous as I am completely unknowing of what to expect. At first I had attached a home birth with a water birth, this was the original plan. Having a pool set up in the lounge was how I saw myself labouring at home. After talking with my midwife that view changed. Apparently it's not overly common for home births to include water, outside of the bath. The more I read, the more I realised it wasn't unusual to have a home birth without a pool. When I looked at getting a pool the cost put me off as well, it turns out they can be pretty expensive, did I really want to spend all that money only to not want to use it on the big day?

So all this being said I am going to have my home birth- minus the pool.

There is always the fear that something might go wrong, I don't think this feeling will completely go away until she is here. I have asked a lot of questions of midwife and been completely reassured that if they get any sense of anything but normal I will be in hospital in ten minuets. They also bring all the equipment they may need.

I see a lot of positives to birthing at home; two midwives dedicated to mine and babies care, no need to worry about getting to and from hospital, or find urgent babysitters, no need to pack a hospital bag, although I will be packing a few bits just in case of emergency, and no spending the labour on a bed staring at four blank walls, I'll be able to move around as much as I like in my own surroundings!

I'm really excited for this experience that will, hopefully, bring me a less stressful birth surrounded by everyone and everything I need. And who could begrudge the thought of being able to get in your own bed on babies first night?

Wish me luck!


Sunday, 8 June 2014


Being a mum is hard. Yes it's amazing and rewarding and any other positive words you can think of, but it's really hard.

Being a mum is the most important thing in my life, and don't get me wrong I wouldn't give it up for a second, but the ideal of motherhood isn't always what I thought it would be. A picture, probably created by other judgemental mums pretending to have it all worked out, is painted and if I don't fit into it it's like a failure. This perfectionist view must be made apparent to the outside world, the mask of a perfect happy family can't slip. It's sad because the person who judges me the most is me. I want, almost need, people to think it's no problem.

The choice to be a mum was mine. If people see my family's imperfections, squabbles or downfalls they might wonder why I made that choice. Admitting that it's not all it cracked up to be all the time would be an announcement of my failings.

Am I allowed to say that being labelled as a mum, just a mum, can be hard, exhausting and even lonely at times. A day filled with constantly forfronting the needs of others and climbing a mountain of housework that never ends can be really boring. I shouldn't be saying this, it's selfish and opposes everything that being a mum stands for. But I can't help that, for me, it's true. Of course there are times when the babes are so good, they listen to what I'm saying, play nicely and genuinely are the sweetest and funniest people I have ever met. But those moments don't erase them trashing the room I've just tidied or throwing food at the walls.

I think people focus on the positives, so that's how I compare and judge myself, on how many positives I can take from a day. Some days it's not that many and that can make me feel rubbish, then I feel guilty for feeling rubbish. I think I need to focus more on the fact that I'm allowed to feel rubbish sometimes, some days are rubbish! That doesn't mean tomorrow will be rubbish too.

Everyone has an ideal of what kind of parent they will be, how they will bring up their kids to be the best people they can be. I had an ideal but that went out the window a while ago now. I'm just kind of winging it.... And I'm ok with that. Some days are hard, but I face each challenge as it hits me in the face and, I think, I'm doing ok. Other people might think differently but other people don't matter.

Having my family is the best thing I ever did, but that doesn't mean I have to strive for perfection, I can't be bothered. My family isn't perfect and I'm glad.


Saturday, 7 June 2014

Growing Out.

So bump number three is cooking along nicely! I am carrying her completely differently to how I did with the boys. I was more rounded with them... she feels like a football under my shirt, a wriggly one at that!